A post out of time

I'm writing this on October 11th, 2016, at nearly 6pm. Here's the thing though, I have NO idea when you'll be reading this. 

If you read my post from October 11th you'll know that right now I'm sitting at home on a day when I might have been working. I won't get into the whole thing here, if you need a refresher check out the previous post. I wanted to write this now though for a couple of reasons. The first is the obvious one: I'm eventually going to have a day where I won't be able to write for whatever reason. If, on that day, I'm on some crazy streak for posting every day, I don't want it to be broken, so I'll have something to throw up. So if you're reading this, chances are I worked really long hours today, or I was sick, or something else happened that means I wasn't able to write a blog post for whatever reason. Hello from the past, a world where Donald Trump hasn't won the election and we still have to actually press buttons on our phones instead of just telling them what to do. 

The second reason I'm writing is because of something I'm struggling with right now. I've had the whole day to do stuff, and I did get some decently productive things done, like two (make that three, with this one) blog posts written, and... er... ok that's it. The day is still young though, I've told myself that I'm going to put my clean laundry away and sort out some of my shelves that have needed organizing for awhile. That's just what's made me write this post right now though. I had this profound feeling of confusion and loss of direction. I'm not sure what I should be doing right now. What's the best use of my time? Surely it's not poking around on the internet or writing blog posts about my somewhat existential crisis, right? There are so many productive things I could be doing right now, and I'm not. 

This is one of the biggest, no, scratch that, this is easily THE biggest problem with my productivity right now. I find it so hard to focus on something when I have even a feeling that there is something else I could be doing that would be a better way to spend my time. Even now, I feel like this isn't optimal, so my thoughts are coming out a little incoherently. At least I seem to think they are. 

How do you guys decide how to spend your time? I know most people have more firm and concrete jobs, but it really sounds to me like I'm just using that as an excuse to be lazy and not do anything. I can't make plans for the day because my job is so unpredictable, so I better just sit around and do nothing for 16 hours? That's bullshit, even I can see that. So what do I do? How can I make decisions on what to do and not just second guess myself every 10 seconds during it. 

Maybe this post will be pointless by the time it goes up. Maybe I will have gotten a schedule worked out and have created a list of things that can always be done, so if I'm feeling lost I just pick one of those things. Maybe I'll be a famous novelist by the time you read this, having sold millions and millions of books, signing endorsement deals and movie rights all over the place. Maybe I'll be writing from a bomb bunker after Trump got into office and started World War 3. Maybe I'll be watching the second season of Firefly from the driver seat of my car as it speeds me down the highway on its own. Who knows. This is a blog post out of time, and no one can possibly know when it will go up. So hello from the past. I hope I'm a better person by the time you're reading this. I'm going to set a few goals. Short term ones, long term ones, covering all my bases so if this goes up 2 days from now I can have something to look back on and see if I did it, and if it goes up 2 years form now I can look back and make sure I changed my life in the ways I wanted to. 

5 minutes: I'm going to finish this post and save it to my drafts. 

1 hour: I'm going to make something healthy and light for supper, since I snacked earlier in the day. 

5 hours: I'm going to get all my laundry put away tonight, and have my room looking spotless for tomorrow. 

1 day: I'm going to workout again tomorrow night, continuing my every second night streak. 

5 days: I'm going to not eat any junk food or fast food. 

1 week: I'm going to finish a project for my sister that I told her I would do on my days off. 

1 month: I'm going to have lost 10 pounds.

6 months: I'm going to have my first novel drafted and edited, ready to be sent to publishers (or self published). 

1 year: I'm going to be going to school again, having saved enough money to leave this job that I hate. 

5+ years: I'm going to have finished and published (self or otherwise) several novels and weigh under 200 pounds. I'm going to have ran a marathon, gotten several more tattoos, and be squatting at least 250 pounds. I'm going to be finishing up school and looking for a job that will allow me to keep writing. I'm going to have visited Japan. I'm going to have hiked the Appalachian trial. I'm going to speak French and German, and maybe a bit of Spanish or Italian. I'm going to be able to read music and play the guitar and the piano. I'm going to spend time with my family and my friends, and volunteer to do charity work over seas. I'm going to be married and have a family. I'm going to be happy.

A lot of my 5 year goals may seem a bit over ambitious, but I don't care. Maybe it will be more like 10 or 15 years, but those are my long term goals. What you just read is my ideal life. That's what I'm shooting for, and it's what keeps me going. Maybe aiming so high will just set me up for failure, but I'm not going to lie to myself and settle for something less. Whenever this post comes out, I'm going to look back and see what I've accomplished, and see if it lines up with my goals. So hello from the past, and hello to the future.